Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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