i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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