how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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