Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
