Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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