I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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