He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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