I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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