Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
