we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
