sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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