I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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