Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
