When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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