Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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