So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
