My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
