Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
