I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
