Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
