I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
