Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
