That's intense
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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