buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
