I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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