Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
