I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
