I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
