I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize