I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
