i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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