I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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