You just made me feel so damn special
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
