So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
