i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Randomize
