so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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