Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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