Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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