We're facebook friends in real life
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I currently don't understand fingers.
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