just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
