I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I puked a lego.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
