oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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