i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My feet surprised me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
