she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
