All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
