im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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