he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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