did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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