i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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