i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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