I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
