i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
