Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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