I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
