this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize