ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
