I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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