hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
