New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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