I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
