I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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