i was born a porn star she said
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
