oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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