First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
