Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
