the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
