we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
