Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
