Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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