even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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