Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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