I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
