More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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