I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
