So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
