Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
